Carbon Black Holds My Soul

Carbon black earth swallowed my soul. Carbon black earth swallowed me whole.

I find myself spinning in an alternate universe. One where there is me at one end and you at the other. One where I reach out my arms to grab you, to take back my life that I began building, but I can't reach. It's the classic nightmare, only it's real.

Frustration engulfs me. Crimson overtakes me. Hate consumes me. I hate. I hate what I am and what I'm becoming, what I've become. With every waking second I'm turning into a monster that I can't banish. A monster I can't push off the edge. A monster that looks all too familiar. A monster that looks like me. A carbon black monster that holds my once hopeful soul. A soul with life.

I look in the mirror to carbon black eyes and see nothing. My soul is gone. My expression is vacant. My body is detached. What is this place I find myself in? What is this feeling that wont go away?

I'm in a world I fail to understand. I'm in a body i fail to connect with. I'm in a mind that wants out. I'm in a heart that holds on, only for you, for us.

I'm in a life I can't live.