Thursday, July 31, 2008

Aint Nothing Wrong With Me, Must Be Something Wrong With You


I have included a simple mind map of my living/known relatives to pinpoint just where this mania began.


A few months have passed and I still find it truly hilarious that my mothers grand plan to reunite the family failed spectacularly. Not only did it fail but it backfired, it went up in smoke, it drowned, it sunk to the bottom, it burned to ash.

Finally our family would be dysfunctional enough to be called family again. My mother buzzing like a bee in my ear, they would hail her a hero. My mum, the hero, she has done the impossible. They’d throw her a parade and she’d sit atop a float waving to her fans and dysfunctional families alike. They’d look up to her, in the hope that one day maybe they too could do what she has done for family values.

They’ve always said I was the ‘smart’ one, so as smart as I was I looked over the details of my mothers plan carefully and cautiously. Placing down my magnifying glass I said “mother this just will not work”. “How could it not work? It’s my master plan!” she said. I shook my head in discontent, sighing “you never learn, quick fix plans just don’t work!”.

Four days trapped in a confined environment was going to do nothing to unpin the damage years of old age bickering and one too many glasses of wine had done. I however, in all my humbleness, am not one to crush others dreams. I leave that to members of my so called family.

The events that followed in those memorable four days are sure to shoot down any further family holiday plans my mum had in mind. Bruised egos and broken hearts. Sides taken and lines drawn. It was quite the battle. I remained on the outskirts of the battlefield, watching from afar, trying to keep out of sight. I wanted no part in this circus.

Looking back I still laugh. Our once dysfunctional family now just separate strands of dysfunctional strangers. Hopes and dreams were crushed, plans were thwarted, ties ultimately severed. Yes all the clichés in the book folks!

My initial anger at the expense of my precious four day weekend dedicated to the circus has worn off. Now I look back and laugh, because I’m one of those people thinking “I told you so”, but like I said, I’m far too humble to ever say it out loud.

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