Before You Take A Swing, I Wonder, What Are We Fighting For?

The streets feel so big when you are walking through the middle of them, not a car in sight, just people, people who all believe they are fighting for the same thing. I woke up this morning and asked myself what I was fighting for. Because today was Pride day in Brisbane and that was meant to mean something to me. So I put on my temporary rainbow tattoo and I held my girlfriend's hand and I decided to feel proud. But I still wasn't sure why I was meant to feel proud or what I was fighting for.

Last year was my first pride march and I remember feeling quite emotional, I was surely achieving some kind of milestone, a rite of passage, I don't know. This year wasn't the same, there were less people in the march and it was quieter, I admit I've never been one to cheer myself, too self conscious, but there wasn't the same buzz, the same spirit. I couldn't help but feel that the city could do a little more to support the event. Because it was an event, to a minority perhaps, and my guess is that if you asked the general majority of people if they knew what today was, they wouldn't know, and why would they? What does this day mean to other people?

So I asked myself again what I was fighting for, if we are fighting for equality, which is what I assume it is, then why is this day so exclusive? Why, when it's over do I feel a strange emptiness, a sadness to walk amongst the crowds again, because I'm no longer in a space where I feel accepted. As we marched, a bunch of onlooking teenagers were taking photos and shouting out 'faggots', laughing and running off, probably running home to post the pics on Facebook and have a laugh with their mates, because apparently being gay was funny. Why are we breeding ignorance and not acceptance?

I can only speak for myself and I can only say what this day means to me. Pride day to me is about fighting for the right to walk down the street holding my girlfriend's hand and to not feel like I'm on show in a museum. I'm fighting for the right to not be verbally abused in public by passersby whose only knowledge of lesbians is as porno turn-ons. I only came out less than three years ago and I can't even count the amount of times I've experienced homophobia. A mother pointing my girlfriend and I out to her children 'look kids, those are lesbians'. Last time I checked, 'lesbians' weren't a rare species, an exhibit in a museum, an attraction at the circus, but that's what I've been made to feel like, and I know I'm not alone in this.

This day means a lot to me and I show it by wearing my pride on my sleeve, something I wish I could do more often. At times I have succumbed to the pressure of hiding my sexuality for the sake of other's comfort, but no longer. If someone is going to stare at me for not looking how I'm 'supposed' to look, then I'm going to stare back at them and make them feel uncomfortable, make them feel wrong. Our gender shouldn't be defined by the clothes we wear and the haircuts we have, we love our stereotypes sure, but we need to leave these tired definitions behind if we are ever going to see change. I'm not going to try and define myself within a world that has already decided to define me, I'll find another way you can count on that.