You've Begun To Feel Like Home

I'm becoming very uneasy about these feelings returning. What does it mean? And why, when I was so sure I was past this, that it was not what it had been made out to be. Why am I starting to convince myself that I've been wrong all this time.

You are appearing in my dreams, and you always seem so real to me. It's always the same story though, I lie even in my dreams. At times it feels like there is so much connecting us, but I realise these things I hold on to, they mean nothing to no one but me. And what do I do with that but go crazy around the thought.

I was so sure, I'm always sure. But now I have this urge, to throw it away, to be honest with you, with myself. But I can't. Not now. What good would it do anyway? Break things apart. Lose the few things keeping me together. But I can't spend my days circling around these feelings, feeling empty, feeling full, feeling afraid that one day you will be gone and then I will be back to where I was before. I've begun to trust you more than is good for myself and it can't be like that, ever.

I can't escape this. And I'd never have guessed not long ago, that I would be in this place now. That all these things would have added up to anything, that they could have such an effect. It doesn't matter where I go, you can call the city whatever you want but you are always there still, somehow, you follow me and I'm not sure I'm even trying to run from you.