So This Is christmas*...

Another year another cookie for santa*.

I remember a time when waking up on December 25th was the single most exciting thing in my life. My brother and I would even sleep next to the christmas* tree some years. We'd wake up at 5am and rush our parents out of bed out of coffee and out of their minds so we could open our presents. These days I'm being rushed out of bed by my 8 year old sister..what do I care it's not like I'm getting presents! The point is, once you get to a certain age it's just not exciting anymore. Or maybe I'm grinchy and scroogey and jaded but why shouldn't I be. I wanted a barbie dream house damnit!

Like every holiday christmas is no exception. The retail giants get their muddy paws on you and shake you until the money in your pockets falls out. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who absolutely can't stand going into stores and hearing fucking christmas songs being played over and over. Target I hardly knew ye.

But I must admit there are a few good things about this has been day.

• There's the food for example
• The money from sweet little old ladies...who may or may not be related to you
  
• The post has been day sales
  
• The chance to find some new material to blog about. Because believe it or not, being cooped up in a house is hardly inspiring! In fact it's totally up there in my most uninspiring things list. That list also consists of horses, cockroaches (they are ridiculously uninspiring), seafood, annoying siblings, people who claim they've raised you only to fore go the fact that you've been raised by wolves...and many more I'm sure
• The fact that I've single handedly made skateboarding cool in my street. Four kids got skateboards for christmas from santa!! I was blown away. And my head was blown up. I decided to show off my skating prowess and show these kids how the big boys do it..or something like that. And in all my glory I fell off the skateboard. Okay so I'm a bit rusty but the point is these kids freaking worship me! I'm like their god! It's absolutely glorious. I've never felt more important in my life. And I haven't even been around to other houses, who knows how many other kids have gotten skateboards for christmas! I should get paid for that kinda advertising! I mean jesus* if anyone can sell a skateboard it's me.

However, with the good comes the bad, and some may argue that there's nothing bad about green and red in the same room together but I'd tell you that these people simply have very little taste. VERY LITTLE. Christmas for me has never been all bells and whistles.

• To my mum it's just like any other day, except that she spends the whole day before cleaning the house and screaming at us to help out. And then on the actual day she anxiously watches the kids open their presents then quickly proceeds to hand out rubbish bags to clean up all the damn mess they just made! I argue that they are only kids, they were born to live in their own filth, and sure sometimes the transition to cleanliness equals godliness doesn't happen from childhood to adulthood but I'm not one for examples. Once the loungeroom floor is visible again mum proceeds to the kitchen where she begins to make our big exciting super dooper lunch. It's only after lunch the woman finally relaxes a little. Ah wine, you've been my saving grace when it comes to a quiet household. Well not really because when those adults have a few too many drinkies they get a little too loud for my elvin ears and I get a little annoyed at them constantly reminiscing about my childhood and tipping wine on me. Curse those drunks!
• Playing with kids toys all day really isn't my idea of fun...okay well there were the toy cars, oh and there was that really awesome dj looking gadget santa gave my sister..oh I lie. I practically live to relive my childhood. Wolves aren't the best present bearers. Rabbit anyone?
• I become the household handy man for the day since we don't have a 'man' about the house and my brothers are more girly than me, okay that's not really hard to achieve. I put it down to laziness. Anyway so I spend my morning armed with a knife a pair of scissors and a screwdriver, and some electrical tape to keep the kids mouths shut while I struggle to open their toys out of their damn boxes. You'd think the whole world were a bunch of thieves the way they screw those toys down!
• The day after. Yes THAT day. Where mum's are hungover and practicing their cleanliness is godliness rule once again, in full force might I add!

Okay so shoot me christmas isn't my favourite day of the year bar the little extras on the side. I challenge you to give me a day I won't forget. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll like it. But I'll still write a smutty blog about it just to piss you off.


*I'm still standing by the fact santa and christmas and jesus do not need to be capitalised thank you very much!